Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Babies Part II

It hurts.  Sometimes I feel like The Lord doesn’t trust me enough to have a child, to raise one of His own.  I feel inadequate.  Somewhere in me I know that this is irrational, but I do know that I need to be better.  To become the person that I know I need to be.  To be able to one day raise one of my Heavenly Father’s children like I know He would want me to.
I hate when people ask me when we’re going to have kids and why we haven’t yet.  I want to scream at them, “We’re trying! Obviously we want kids!”, but I know that it isn’t their fault for asking, they don’t know.  I don’t want to make the situation worse by bringing the mood down and making them feel bad for an innocent question.  So here we are, Cody and I, left to laughing the situation off.  We still make light of the mood because many people do not know that we are trying. 
The few people that do know that we are trying constantly ask us if we’re pregnant yet, this only makes the situation worse.
Trust me, when we’re pregnant and ready to tell people, we’ll tell you.
I hate feeling this way.  I don’t want to be sad because it makes Cody feel bad.  Maybe it’s my fault, maybe it’s his.  We don’t know.  And honestly, it hasn’t been THAT long… but that only leaves us to wonder how long this will go on.
I guess I should feel grateful, because only He knows what the future will hold.  Maybe He is waiting for me to get established in my career or for us to be more financially stable.  I don’t know, but I wish I did.
All I know is that I want a baby… And it’s hard to wait.


  1. Krista,
    I believe that you will get a baby one day. Maybe now just isn't the time, or maybe you just have to be patient a little while longer. I'm sure that in time Heavenly Father will bless you with a baby. Just keep your faith in the Lord, and trust Him. He will help you.
    I will definitely be praying for you.

  2. Hello Dear!
    My advice to you (if you want it) is to read your Patriarchal blessing. In regards to being a mom, and just in general. I would also pray about your feelings of inadequacy, because I know He will quickly tell you that is not the way it is. You may also want a blessing? Take advantage of all the great resources you have. They're very comforting :) It's much easier to be patient when you know that it will happen SOMEDAY, so if it isn't happening right now, its because it'll be BETTER for your family if it happens later, and that's ok. But if you're standing at this point, having no idea, it is very difficult.
    Anyway...love you and good luck :)

  3. Krista Dear,
    I feel like i have known you for a loooong time (well, i have) and I will say this you are not inadequate and the Lord trusts you very much! You will be a wonderful mother! I don't know everything about God, but I do know He loves us very much. I know what it's like to wait for something that you feel is a righteous desire and it takes a lot of patience! I wouldn't want you to think it's your fault or anything because it really isn't. Keep holding strong! I will be praying for you! Love ya, Beka

  4. I'm sorry girl. You are going to be an amazing mother and it may not make sense now but when you do get pregnant I'm sure all the pieces will fall together and everything will make sense! You both will be the most wonderful, patient, loving, and FUN parents ever!!, love you girl!

  5. Hang in there. It took Chris and I 10 months of trying before we got pregnant with Samantha. I know it can get SO frustrating waiting and pulling out one big fat negative after another after another. I must have spent at least $40 on pregnancy tests and spent many a night crying on Chris shoulder. It will happen when the time is right. I'm so glad I ended up getting pregnant when I did. Everything in our lives lined up to where I had amazing support after I had her and everything was so much easier once I did get pregnant.
    You'll make an amazing mother. I'll keep you in my prayers :)

  6. Hang in there, this is a TOUGH ROAD. I feel your pain and I know how hard it is when EVERYONE around you is pregnant and I think working on our floor can be especially difficult at times. It's ok to cry and trust me I've cried many many times. Infertility is not something we ever saw coming in our happily ever after. In the beginning I really struggled with depression and anger/bitterness. Thank goodness for an amazing husband and a loving Heavenly Father. Through this trial I have learned to recognize more of the tender mercies from the Lord. I have meet and become friends with amazing women who have also struggled with infertility. It's HARD and it's NOT FAIR but remember Heavenly Father has a individual plan for each us. If you ever want to talk about it, I'd love to lend an ear
    Check out this blog it really helped me:
    It's one woman's story (told in 3 parts)