Life as I know it

I need to sleep.

I'm stressed outta my mind, even when I am "sleeping" I'm in bed worrying about what I need to do next.

Working more than 40 hours a week, with 12+ hr shifts and training at a new position is exhausting.

Going to school full-time for my BSN in exhausting. Too much busywork and worrying about dumb group projects, papers, and more clinical hours.

Oh... don't forget I'm taking my NCLEX on Monday and I'm stressed out of my mind that I won't pass because I've been too burned out lately to study.

Oh yeah, our humongous "pile" of dirty clothes spread throughout our bedroom, laundry room, and bathroom doesn't help. Plus that huge sink full of dirty dishes? That's the last thing on my mind.

Trying to be a good wife is unfortunately falling lower and lower on my list each day, I'm just trying to cope with everything else= Maslow's Heiarchy. Oh good, maybe I'll at least know that one on my NCLEX.

That's my life in a nutshell lately.

Moral of the story is... I need to sleep. 

Now the question is, when?

My Little Sister

Today I have been thinking about someone really important to me, my little sister Ali.  Ali is 4 years younger than me and she was born with Cerebral Palsy and Microcephaly. Alison is mentally and physically disabled.  Although she has these disabilities, I don't think that this is what defines her.  I feel that she understands way more than what what her body allows her to express.  I've never met someone so loving and pure. 

When I was younger I used to pray that she would get better.  My sweet parents never corrected me on this.  What faith I had to believe that one day Ali would walk and become just like her peers.  I've always been especially close with her. We shared a room growing up.  She would wake up in the night and cry or scratch at the wall, but I didn't mind, I guess this is where I learned to be a heavy sleeper. I would dress her up and have tea parties with her when we were younger, she would come sit on my inflatable chair in the mornings and watch me get ready for school.  There has always been something about our relationship that I cannot explain, but I have always felt incredible close to her.  I would tell her my secrets and of course she listened.  I would cry to her when I had no one else to cry to.  She would always be concerned and reach out her hand to my face to show me that she cared.  I know that she understands me; I know that she loves me.

I know that Heavenly Father sent Ali to our family for a reason.  She has created somewhat of an invisable bond for our family.  I don't think I could have asked for a better little sister.  My parents have always been so loving and caring.  I know that Heavenly Father sent Ali to them because they are strong and He trusted them to love her and care for her.  They have never complained, only shown love and gratefulness.  I look up to them so much, in hopes that one day I will be able to follow their example in my life. 

I look forward to one day being able to talk with my little sister.  To laugh with her, to dance with her, to sing with her, to hear her beautiful voice.  I feel so priveledged to have Ali as my little sister.  It's a strange feeling, but I feel that I know her.  I feel that we once were best friends in heaven and I feel that we always will be.  I can't wait for the day that we will join each other in heaven again, just as we left off.

Habitat for Humanity Restore Finds

Here are a few small projects that we have been working on lately.  We took a trip to Habitat for Humanity Restore in Orem and found a few treasures.  I haven't posted about our big projects yet because they haven't been completed yet.  The kitchen cabinets are complete but we haven't put on the hardware yet.  Cody completed the backsplash.  We haven't painted yet or gotten new window treatments.  In the meantime, we've been working on a few small projects (Not quite ready to start anything big yet).

We found a couple of cool cabinet doors for $1 a piece! We thought that they would look cool as frames so Cody took his 'jigsaw' and cut out the middle.  I am going to paint them and glaze them.  This is just a sneak peak.

We have been wanting to redo the entry way because we aren't a big fan of the 90's generic tile.  We've looked for laminet wood flooring at Home Depot numerous time but we didn't want to buy a whole box for such a little space.  We also didn't like any of the cheap colors and weren't willing to spend too much money.  At Habitat for Humanity we lucked out and found this laminet wood flooring for $1 a slat and we really liked the color! It ended up costing less than $10 (luckily I get the labor for free). It turned out pretty nice if you ask me.

A while back I found this old cabinet door there and knew that I wanted to make a sign for our front door.  I finally got around to it.  It cost a total of $2!

We found this piece of wood there for $1 and I thought that I would like to make a sign for our front room.  We made this one tonight.  It cost a total of $3.  Once we paint we are going to hang it and put some pictures hanging underneath the shelf so stay tuned for the finished project!

Babies Part II

It hurts.  Sometimes I feel like The Lord doesn’t trust me enough to have a child, to raise one of His own.  I feel inadequate.  Somewhere in me I know that this is irrational, but I do know that I need to be better.  To become the person that I know I need to be.  To be able to one day raise one of my Heavenly Father’s children like I know He would want me to.

I hate when people ask me when we’re going to have kids and why we haven’t yet.  I want to scream at them, “We’re trying! Obviously we want kids!”, but I know that it isn’t their fault for asking, they don’t know.  I don’t want to make the situation worse by bringing the mood down and making them feel bad for an innocent question.  So here we are, Cody and I, left to laughing the situation off.  We still make light of the mood because many people do not know that we are trying. 

The few people that do know that we are trying constantly ask us if we’re pregnant yet, this only makes the situation worse.

Trust me, when we’re pregnant and ready to tell people, we’ll tell you.

I hate feeling this way.  I don’t want to be sad because it makes Cody feel bad.  Maybe it’s my fault, maybe it’s his.  We don’t know.  And honestly, it hasn’t been THAT long… but that only leaves us to wonder how long this will go on.

I guess I should feel grateful, because only He knows what the future will hold.  Maybe He is waiting for me to get established in my career or for us to be more financially stable.  I don’t know, but I wish I did.

All I know is that I want a baby… And it’s hard to wait.

Babies

I want a baby.

I feel like there is a phenomenon where everyone that's not trying to have a baby gets one.

And everyone who is trying to have a baby doesn't get one.

God works in mysterious ways.

{One day I will figure out why}

Until then, trust in the Lord.